What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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