I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i've created a new STD.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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