omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
