All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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