Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the condom got lost in my hair
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess