Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You were trust falling into bushes