I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?