Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.