My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday