Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
