you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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