Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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