I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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