You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
