I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I deserve this hangover.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
