what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
