Jerry, you need to find god
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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