I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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