Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
