OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
