Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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