I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So apparently I’m into choking now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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