i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
