Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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