As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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