i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
