So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
