did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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