I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
