i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
