Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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