also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
