she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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