So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
