just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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