is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
