ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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