he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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