Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
