I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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