I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
