How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
