That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
