Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
