Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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