rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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