He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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