I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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