She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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