this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
