Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
