I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
