Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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