sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
