The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
