I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
