well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
