You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Randomize
