Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
