you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
