I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
