So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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