She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
