I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there's paper in my vomit.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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