Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
