I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
