She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
