My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you had me at cake vodka
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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