How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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