Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
