Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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