the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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