i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
