I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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