i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The ass gains better be worth it
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