Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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