You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The air was thick with penises
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
