She is in my trunk
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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