ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
